her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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