somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
