eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
