is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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