If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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