I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize