Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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