Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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