i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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