I just made out with a guy for $7.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
