My first STD was from a foam party
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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