fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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