Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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