so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
