New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
