You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
