I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
