just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
