It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Success! We fucked roommates!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
