remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
