***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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