spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
