I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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