The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize