So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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