I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
