sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
