think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
