I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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