You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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