I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i dont even know how to be here
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
