8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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