so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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