Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
