In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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