cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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