The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
