This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We are all done wearing pants today
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize