i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
