I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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