I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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