I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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