I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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