Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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