Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize