I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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