your thong is hanging out like whoa
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
why does every cop we meet know your name?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
