You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He has the fingertips of a God
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize