Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
