What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
