If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
