real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
