Soap is not a condiment
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
