He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
17 year olds will be the death of me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
