i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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