We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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