Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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