Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
