my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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