The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
