i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
