on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
