should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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