Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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