life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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