3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
