just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
