i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
