I wish my penis had an off switch
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
