wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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