i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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