Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
