if you like me you must not know who I am
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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