So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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