The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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