sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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