We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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