I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
