Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am puke
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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