Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
