i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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