I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
