Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
