Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize