I cockslap morals
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
