Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
