Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
