I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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